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Voiceless in Grant County

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By Bryan Marshall

I cannot think of many worse jobs to have than a journalist when you lose your voice.

I recently had the unfortunate chance to experience this first hand, the day of the election no less.

For some reason, people do not take you seriously or even acknowledge you at all when your lips move but nothing comes out.

I should not say that I was completely voiceless, but I may have well been for what good I was worth.

I tried to communicate by e-mail, but, to my chagrin, not everyone is on call waiting to jump up to respond immediately to my queries.

So, I was forced to pick up the phone and brave not only the confused reaction from whoever answered my call but also the cackles of laughter from my fellow employees.

With my near-whisper voice, the first day I pretty much sounded like a creepy prank caller.

I was surprised that I did not get hung up on once.

I guess people were either intrigued to find out if someone was being choked on the other line or they simply were too terrified to slam the receiver down.

The next day got better as I graduated to incomprehensible gibberish because my voice would crack on average three times per every syllable I spoke.

At the ripe age of 29, I was glad that I finally was going through puberty.

In this stage, it was an extreme challenge to go through a drive thru to order food.

I thought about bypassing the order speaker, heading straight to the window and handing over a piece of paper with what I wanted to eat.

However, I devised a plan where I would order like normal and just blame faulty reception in the restaurant’s speaker system if I was hard to understand.

The third day finally felt like I was on the road to recovery, but it was maybe the most embarrassing vocal change.

I sounded like a 5-year-old girl.

Nothing against 5-year-old girls, but I am not a 5-year-old girl.

One up side to this stage though was I felt like I hit some high notes that I have never reached before when belting out songs by myself in my car.

After a good night of sleep and lots of medication, my voice finally is back to usable status.

It was quite a frustrating ride, but it occasionally garnered me some sympathy between the smirks.

At the very least, it gave me something to write about.

(Bryan Marshall is the staff writer for the Grant County News. He can be reached at 824-3343 or by e-mail at bmarshall@grantky.com.)