Finding happiness after sadness

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By Bryan Marshall

It may be cliche, but life really is filled with peaks and valleys.

In December, my wife and I were on top of the world as we found out that she was pregnant with our second child.

We were overjoyed at the reality that in nine short months we would be adding to our family.

We were hoping first that it would be a healthy baby.

Then, we were crossing our fingers that it would be a girl since we already have the best son in the world.

Only weeks into the pregnancy, we got devastating news.

My wife had a miscarriage, leaving us in a whirlwind of emotions.

Did we do something to cause this?

Why did this pain of the loss hurt so bad when the baby wasn’t even born yet?

Will we be able to have another healthy baby?

It was a rough few weeks, and slowly, but surely, each day got better.

It still is hard thinking about what may have been and remembering how shattered our lives seemed on that fateful day.

Eventually, we decided to try again to have another baby.

I’m elated to say that we are expecting she or he in December.

Now, it is still way too early and, after our last experience, we know anything can happen.

But, joy is beginning to fill the emptiness that was in my heart from the miscarriage.

When we found out that my wife was pregnant, my reaction was not what I thought it would be.

I did not jump up in excitement or cry happy tears.

Outwardly, my wife said I seemed indifferent.

Inside, I was scared to death.

I did not want to get my hopes up and see my world come crashing down again if something terrible happened to our child.

I was really happy, but I also was trying to prepare myself to not be let down if tragedy struck again.

Last time, we announced our good news to our friends and family during a party that added to the celebration.

Shortly after, we quietly told people one by one or through an e-mail that we had lost the baby.

This time, we waited to tell anyone to avoid having to spread bad news if it ever came early on.

For some, this column will be the first time they have heard the news.

We finally felt comfortable that this pregnancy is going well and will end in the happiness that was taken away last time.

I know thousands of husbands and wives go through this experience every year.

We certainly are not the first couple to experience the loss of a child.

But, the trials and tribulations of it all has taught me a lot.

I know that everything happens for a reason.

I might not understand that reason right now and I definitely did not understand it in December.

But, I realize that I just have to have faith that, in the end, all will end well.

I can’t let myself focus on the bad things that happened in the past.

I have to concentrate on the great things going on now and that will hopefully occur in the future.

I have to keep visualizing that day this winter when a new life will be born on this earth.

Our son will be a big brother.

We will have a daughter...or another son.

The road back from the heartache will be complete.

(Bryan Marshall is the staff writer for the Grant County News. He can be reached at 824-3343 or by e-mail at bmarshall@grantky.com.)